While I Wandered Around,
into New Holy Places


"If you want me to save your life,
you have to start believing in brassiere straps
and the Bridgeport Sound Tigers," the roshi said,
sitting in that stupid yoga position
that looks like a straight-backed chair with amputated legs.
"As it is, your life is all right angles,
and you suffer from envy of the person you're not able to be.
You need to touch river stones more often,
listen to the waves and fishing boats inside your breathing,
go further out on tree limbs, preferably lonely elms." The roshi
was smoking a Lucky Strike. Ash dribbled down his chin
onto his blue and gold robes. "You suffer
because your mind desires tuna fish sandwiches
when all you have are peanut butter and jelly ones. And God
to you is a harpsichord." I was tempted, right then,
to tickle the soles of the roshi's little naked feet
or place Fleer's bubble gum wrappers in his open palms,
but I just bowed, inclining slightly on my guest yoga mat
while he smiled and smiled and nearly burned himself to death
until an assistant plucked the cigarette from his lips: "Ah, smoke,
deep in the lungs of Time." Various temple bells,
a deep gong--my interview
almost completed. What is, is, is, is, is,
the bells seemed to say. Was that strawberry incense
wafting from the altar where the hundred Buddhas sat
all in neat rows with discount price stickers under their buttocks?
Or was it peach-lemon? "One reason people write,"
the roshi said, coming in from almost nowhere,
"is to express the nuances of their wristwatches, the secrets of
    elbow positions,
the moods of personal bookcases that otherwise would die when
    we die.
How else would that day you stepped into deep shit
and found music all around you but you couldn't reach it,
survive in its mystery? " I stammered,
I tried to speak. "But my life, Roshi, my life.
How can I save my life?"
    "Ah," said the roshi. "Aha!"
It's how you lose your life and keep on living,
content with your lot, idiot!"
and he smote me with his bamboo cane
but I wasn't enlightened. All that happened was I grabbed his cane and smote him back...
    Tears in my eyes,
I would think of nothing but my bruise for days,
tuna fish, harpsichords, jealousy, revenge,
dragging my life behind me, which made tiny bumping sounds
as it caught in the wheel ruts and jostled over the curbs.

Dick Allen



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